The bathroom scale

I've lost a lot of weight from when we were first married. I would set a goal, and promise myself great (non-food) rewards.  Like "When I break 200 I'll buy myself an underwater mp3 player for the pool." and  "When I break 180 I'm totally getting a new wardrobe!"  I've never actually delivered on any of these promises to myself and for the first 40 pounds it didn't matter.  Apparently, losing weight was reward enough and I didn't want to spend the money on clothes for a weight that I'm not happy at. 

 

My clothes are a disaster, and I really deserve a whole new power wardrobe. I've got ill-fitting goodwill specials hanging in the closet like they are the current season Merona's from Target. Currently, I'm wearing a grey fleece underwear top, paired with brown cargo capris. My socks are new. I love wearing new socks, they are a pretty soft pink and grey plaid against white mid-calf, inside black square-toed shoes with a chunky heel by Mudd. I probably got the shoes at goodwill too. To put it mildly, I look like a train wreck. But technically, my outfit meets dress code requirements. The pants are long enough, and I'm wearing non-sneakers, with a closed toe.

I'm currently somewhere around 178 pushing back up to 180 and have never gotten myself any of the rewards I've promised myself. Monetary reasons have always been why I don't want to spend $80 on a mp3 player or $50 on water-resistant headphones. We aren't totally broke now the way we used to be a few years ago. So why am I so willing to spend $30-$45 on dinner instead of saving up the money and buying something lasting? I love food. Especially when it gets delivered to the table in front of me.

I haven't lost any weight for over a year now. Obviously, I gained 10 pounds when I was pregnant, but now my daughter has had her first birthday and I weigh the same as when I was waddling around with a 7 pound baby inside me. Which means...I've actually gained weight since she was born. How is that possible? Between never getting more than a few bites of food between cries, carrying her around, and breastfeeding, I should be down another 20 or more pounds. Somehow I'm not. I've told myself muscle weighs more than fat, but I don't think I can keep fooling myself. It is time to stop mainlining pizza and cheese bread. I love Domino's stuffed cheesey bread and pizza. Any kind of pizza.